Weblog (& Misc.)
10/2/2021 - Practicing
Been practicing some fundamentals of drawing and watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I would like to get good at drawing figures. I hope one day that I can illustrate men, Andrew Loomis like.
9/29/2021 - GWIPJ
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
God's World Is Perfectly Just
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Deo volente. I should take some meds and get help! It is so very hard to function sometimes, but I do yet. Be glad, be gracious, be good. Though it is hard to interpret what 'good' is. Is laughing, especially sarcasm and schadenfreude, evil? It is impossible to say, but I have faith it isn't. I am a cynical asshole very often, it is the one thing I derive any joy from, it is the only real way I can connect to other people. God should have made the rules more clear! God's world is perfectly just. I like simplicity in life, I don't want to be an ascetic monk hermit, but what if that's the only way to be saved? It is impossible to say. God's world is perfectly just. Cleromancy, chasing after the wind.
9/25/2021 - Gnos
I don't know if I will ever be happy. I am too much of a mess it seems. It is hard to be optimistic about anything when every day is an uphill battle against terrible, brooding feelings.
9/22/2021 - Storm
I was driving home 70 mph and it was pouring and my windows were fogged up and lighting struck within less than a mile's distance. Maybe I should calm down?
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Interesting take from /x/.
9/21/2021 - I am very angry
"When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural." - Marcus Aurelius
El Azhar - El Djihad
(be careful clicking this one lol)
9/20/2021 - Wild World
It's a wild world out there bros... you sort've have to carve your own meaning into it and live in spite of all the sickness and antiknowledge. Logotherapy Victor Frankl Kierkegaard etc etc. Lovecraft was right, we live on that terrible placid island of ignorance. You come to a point where you feel like (and are probably correct about) life not having any 100% truths that we can ever know, and that we are held by a thread above pits of despair which we can never understand. It is hard once you've reached this time to come out unscarred and unscared. Sucks a bit.
But I don't feel as bad as I did.
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I think I realized why schizos tend to comfort me. Terry's philosophy on life was that one should entertain God, and his personal purpose was to be Mr. God's divine prophet. Fedsmoker's was that he had a holy mission to smoke all of the corrupt baby raping feds. Seldom do they live to happy ends, but their warped perspective of reality is no more uninformed than our own. We are all interned in our minds in some way, and you sort've just have to deal with that. They are a microcosm for humanity in general, bizarre little people who walk back and forth.
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I watched Serial Experiments Lain. First anime I've seen in years, I guess I decided to watch it because I see it so much on this website and around a few parts. Pretty cool! Pyschological horror is my kind've deal. If I saw it back when I was into anime and deeply depressed it would've fucked me up, even though I wasn't mentally unsound back then in the way I am (kind've) now. The show captures a very similar feeling to derealization. How do normalfgots with no psychological torment percieve such media? It is all too real.
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I love ambient so much. It is a very visceral genre of music, if you consider it music. Some of my oldest memories are of and sleeping on my moms lap in my grandfather's library while a metal fan whirred and a TV channel played just ambience. Children have it so good, and they don't even know it.
9/18/2021 - Body of Christ
"In an ant colony, the workers have one set of marching orders, the soldiers have another set of marching orders, the queen and drones have marching orders and the diggers have marching orders. The Bible gives conflicting orders -- conservatives pay attention to one set of passages and liberals pay attention to others. Everybody has selective hearing, but that's good because we are different members of the body of Christ." - Terry Davis
9/17/2021 - Lord
Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
9/14/2021 - Frater
One nefarious thing about the ongoing atomization of society that is currently underway is internet parasocial relationships... It is so, so important to have genuine solid IRL friends. When you look at a screen and pretend like you're friends with those people you are only ever distracting yourself. This can be good oftentimes, but if you are troubled by something unrelated you cannot reach out to the screen, and that sort of interaction may be the only way to get better. Eventually everybody will be fucked off into their gamer rooms, alone forever, and never will they be able to actually tackle the darkness head on unless they are really mentally fortified.
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I was about to make an about page full of random questions and answers about myself, but I'm hesitent. Maybe I'm too paranoid, but maybe the less curated information I put out there the better. It would probably do the viewer some good to know more about me than just this bunch of demented paragraphs.
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Constricted the site by a lot. Looks better IMO. I still think I need to go through and make the shrines read better, don't know how exactly to yet though.
Went through a bit and patched them up. They are better now, but still not perfect methinks.
9/13/2021 - Faustian
If only I knew what was planned for me, I wonder. The world is too confusing. I'm not panicking - there is no point after all - but I almost wish I knew. Maybe it would be Hell in its own way, to know everything. What does GOD deal with? I don't know. You can only ever have faith. GOD knows what will happen to us. Flawed human perspective, trapped in time and matter but with a sliver of autonomy that helps us to self-determine. Life is pain but there is good pain and bad pain and there is no point in feeling the latter.
Эдуард Артемьев - Медитация
9/12/2021 - Junglist Massive
At the end of every week each one of us becomes a freak.
Tonight the DJ makes us move under the sweat drops from the roof.
Each time you let the bass beat hard to know we all spend now apart.
Just activate your energy lets sing the song and come with me.
drivin 2
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I need to write a 1,800 word paper about American history. I thought about writing on Freemasonry in our nation's early history, but then decided that that would be too actually interesting and difficult to write about for some shitty essay that doesn't matter. I guess I'll just write about the Civil Rights movement or anything else they'd eat up.
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I really enjoy writing for a website and having thoughts archived and for an anonymous soul to be reading it, but god damn the moment a man by name were to find this dwelling I'd be flustered. Luckily YOU don't know me and I don't know YOU, so my unhealthy nature needn't be disturbed.
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There is something comforting about people like Fedsmoker, Terry Davis and those other oddballs. I don't know what it is for me; their stories are not particularly inspiring to say the least. Yet there is hope in their simple lives that makes me feel less alone. Maybe I just relate to schizophrenics. The world is scary but it doesn't always have to be.
9/9/2021 - MEPS
I went to MEPS and am in the DEP for the USMC. Render unto Caesar? Dante said that betraying one's own country sends you to the deepest depths of Hell, but I don't know. Swearing oaths to Joeseph Biden and the constitution feels like soul-corrupting idolatry. There are no good governments.
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I visited 14 Branchland Ct last week also. It was fun. There were lights on inside - Barb's home? - and the neighbors were frightening. Strange how a neighborhood just outside a relatively large city like Cville could be so insular and isolated. I hate cities.
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The Richmond statue of Lee has been taken down, and the time capsule replaced with some stupid [______] bullshit. “Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Party is always right.”
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
9/2/2021 - Turmoil
I had a panic attack at work yesterday.
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Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
8/27/2021 - Mr. God
"Survival of the fittest? I'm gonna tell you the secret to survival of the fittest... The man who cheers up Mr. God, that's the fittest; the fittest of the fit." - Terry Davis
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I have been reading about Joseph Smith and the Latter Day Saints. A fascinating people; I would be one if it weren't theologically incompatible and masonic. Obviously it's founder was a huckster and the history it describes is farcical nonsense, but sometimes you need to surrender rationality and believe in something.
8/23/2021 - На заре
Great-grandma died yesterday. Ninety-two. I never got to talk to her about her childhood. She was dementia-riddled anyway. I may not have gotten much! Rest in peace Joyce.
8/11/2021 - RIP Terry
Today is the third anniversary of the passing of our beloved heavenly architect, Terry A. Davis. May God rest his soul; he is building compilers in heaven. In other news, I may visit 14 Branchland Court soon to see it before it belongs to someone else / is demolished. Me and a friend wanted to meet Chris in person before SHTF. Now, all we can do is visit this maledict site, a testament to his lifelong ruination.
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Be sure to pirate everything. If you can get it for free, get it for free.
8/10/2021 - Frying pan
In the fray again. My town is filled with minorities. Maybe there's more than there used to be, or maybe I just notice them now.
的を絞ってみました
8/9/2021 - IHARRHTTWIW
I have a really, really hard time telling when I'm wrong.
Nema krsta bez tri prsta
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"Dont waste another minute man. Right now you are awake and alive. If you fall back into your eyes wide shut sleep, it might be too late. When its gone, its gone."
8/6/2021 - For the past couple of hours
I have been watching Nindiddeh. Speedrunning is perhaps the most apt example of the decadance of our internet lives. It is unhealthy; it is wasted time, through and through. Despite this fact, I can't help but feel comforted by these frivolous things. I don't know why. Maybe. Most other things in life at the moment seem to be of similar uselessness, even things we are told are productive like education (propaganda money sink) or jobs (thrall labor) so maybe it doesn't even matter. The only way I could do something is to move far far away. Never underestimate the power your environment holds over you. God helps.
bosnian mujahideen
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Arsonists are seldom caught. It is an extremely easy crime to get away with. I do not intend to commit arson, but it might maybe not be such a bad thing if potentially some people's estates were burned down.
8/5/2021 - CWCville dies
Think about what it must be like, to be Chris. Your whole life leading up to this moment, delusion and lies. Nobody loves you. You created your own world to retreat into, artificially extending your childhood for decades in order to escape from the cold touch of the outside world. You have been collecting a mountain of garbage since the day you were born, and managed to convince yourself it all means something. In your stupor you have done vile things, and due to these actions, it is all suddenly escaping you; the world, as you know it, is collapsing. Your soul lays bare. There is nothing left. You can never return.
8/4/2021 - Hegemony
The world is run by demons, actual, real demons who only want you and me to suffer in hell forever. Get real.
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"The CIA dream is a world of big-eyed dumb emasculated [______] cattle with no guns and no compiler with code in cloud GitHub under lock andkey." - Terry Davis
7/31/2021 - 7 AM
I have spent the last 20 minutes scrawling manic things into this space, reading them, and deleting them. Nothing of the same topic, and nothing worth reading. I despise not being able to parse my own wants, it makes me restless and fidgety. There is nothing that comforts me when I feel like this. Nothing at all. It is 7 in the morning, and I have been awake for 11 hours. I have to go back to work tomorrow.
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Oh yeah Chris Chan is a trending topic right now. The big news dropped just yesterday, you already know it. Unbelievably dark. My cold fgot heart has been hardened by years of abuse from internet hellfuel, but the revelation of this knowledge is appalling and genuinely makes me sick to my stomach. The tran arch was, on its own, hard to rationalize. Depressing in many ways; a sign of Cwc's decline from a (mostly) innocent grown child to an unwell delusiac, yet still morbidly curious. But this.
7/30/2021 - Symbols, YouTube
Made a page for 'good' symbols in light of the last post. Don't know where I should link yet, so here it is for now. Only cool vibrations, but I might make another page for negative ones. Pentacles and all that shikaka. For the sake of superstitious puritanism, I'm not swearing on this site. Not here, at least.
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I don't use YouTube anymore. Not like I used to. It has been said a million times by a million different people; the website is worse now than it used to be. However, I cannot begin to describe how much of an understatement this truly is. YouTube, what once was this monolithic, bustling cultural phenomenon, which offered in mere moments the most curious and wonderful content in the history of the internet, now just a neutered, hollow void. YouTube wasn't just changed by Google; it was torn apart and paved over by them, sacked and raped with impunity. Absolutely shameless; not for want of all that which is good and pure and precious in this world, but mammon. Poor forked radish. If Google wanted to return us to the magical old days of YouTube, they could. Undo those shackles which, among many other things, funnel views into a select pool of curated content, and let the floodgates open. Nothing is stopping them, nothing but their own greed, and their own megalomania. I am not trying to be dramatic; if you cannot see the sheer depravity of what these people have done, the limitless bastardry of their actions, maybe you deserve it.
The Melting Pot of Zelda: Ocarina of Friendship
7/29/2021 - Freemasons
What is it with these people? Why are they so freakish and weird? You hear a million different things about them on the schizonetisphere; they're a gnostic heresy, they're satanists, jooish, etc. The only people I know who are masons are old farts. Surely, if conspiracies about them are to be believed, they'd desire to extend their power to progeny, no? Yet you can't become a mason through this sort of linear nepotism, not in the same way you can as a CEO, a politician, an actor... There are no young masons. At least not many, and the only ones who do exist only do it because their dad was one and they think its cool. I don't know. It's a shame; I like masonic aesthetics, but I'm always hesitent to use symbols I can't fully comprehend.
super mario 64 is a free masonic and illuminist digital ritual
Testing out site colors. White on black is fun for a moment, hurts in the long run.
Nah. Nope. Looks bad inverted. I'll try a standard font.
That's better.
7/27/2021 - Lol
Girl from my high school created an OnlyFans. I used to take Latin with her.
Silent hill in real life
